Real Estate: Let’s Look For The Silver Lining in Rejection

Discipline is a large part in your development as a real estate professional.

As is true with any competitive industry, rejection is going to happen to all real estate agents.

This is true at every stage in the game, from the most green real estate agent just to a 35 year industry veteran like me. There are many, many ways you can experience what, at the time, might feel like failure. A real estate client you thought was loyal to you can abruptly end your business relationship.

Office politics may cause people you used to call friends to distance themselves from you or your very first sale (or any sale you have been diligently working on) could fall through at the last minute. You may not want to hear it, but pitfalls and disappointments like these are unavoidable. Trying to avoid rejection, rather than reacting appropriately to it, is massively counter-intuitive. Hardship will come your way, and always looking over your shoulder for it is about as productive as waiting for a train that is never going to arrive.

Instead, it would behoove stressed out Realtors like ourselves to take a page from Hellenistic philosopher Epictetus.

He believed and emphasized that “virtue is sufficient for happiness” and that being so, we could be immune to misfortune. In other words, he argued that if we know bad things will happen to us, we can dictate our response to them from logic rather than emotion. Epictetus did not think one should “extinguish” emotion, and neither do I, but rather that we deal with them rationally.

Say you are in a situation where a real estate client you are actively working with decides to no longer do business with you. Before you become despondent, notice that you have several options for how you will react to their decision.  If you have been having an extremely busy year juggling five clients and desperately need a vacation, you could easily be over-the-moon delighted that they opted out. Perhaps this particular client is too needy, and is difficult to work with. Even if you needed new real estate business, your time might be better served elsewhere. If you have been having a slow year and desperately need a sale, you could find yourself feeling angry, sad or depressed. Instead of reacting emotionally, you might consider “getting over yourself” and offer a calm, peaceful and reasoned response. Remember: it is not what happens to us that matters so much as how we respond.

Self discipline and not responding in negative ways in front of your real estate clients is a one of the keys to being a successful Realtor.

On the other hand, if you are feeling negative emotions, do not stuff them. I do not advise experiencing life with no feeling. What a dull and unfulfilled existence that would be! Besides, emotions will eventually resurface, one way or another. As soon as you notice a negative emotion welling up in your heart feel it, deal with it and then let it go. But please no emotional displays in front of your real estate clients!

You don’t have to figure anything out. You don’t have to know who’s right and who’s wrong. Just feel the body sensations along with the negative emotions and thoughts until it passes. It may take a minute, an hour, a day, a month. The important thing is to just let it all go. Once you can sit with your inner disturbances, you can eventually find peace.

We sometimes think only negative emotions cause our inner turmoil, but that is not true. Remember when you were ecstatically happy because a business or personal circumstance turned positively around? Remember the time the guy you had been pining for finally asked you out? You were so elated, so high in the heavens happy, that you let yourself get way off balance. You didn’t pay attention to where you parked and then your car was towed. Now you’re down in the dumps. All because you were not paying attention to what was happening in the moment. All because you were clinging to that feel good feeling, even though life was moving forward. By all means feel the good, but like the bad, let it flow through you and be open to what life is presenting next.

So how do you let these circumstances, thoughts and feeling pass through you? Instead of focusing on the past circumstance, put your attention on the present moment. Be observant of nature, the air you breathe and the people around you. Be grateful for what you do have. Do not pay attention to that negative voice in your head which may be telling you that you have to change something outside yourself in order to be happy. Instead be content with the mystery of life and all its crazy ups and downs and twists and turns. You can live your life without fearing it or fighting it. Take each moment at a time, living life in the present with all its surprises, rejections, and complexities while remembering to always use self-discipline in sheltering your clients from any of your negativity. Soon you will see how things change for the better—including your productivity and better healthier relationships.

For more on how self-discipline helps sales success, I invite you to read Chapter 6 in my new book, Getting the Property SOUL’D – A Breakthrough System for Successful, Stress-Free Buying. You may fill out the form next to this Blog or order on Amazon April 28th http://www.amazon.com/dp/098835912X 

Be aware that any clients’ names have been changed to protect their privacy. Furthermore, Paula Pagano does not accept any liability for the content of any Blogs and this Website or for any actions you take or resultant consequences of actions taken based on the information provided in this communication. Any advice is my opinion after being a 35 year experienced real estate agent in San Francisco.